The Sacred Power of Choosing You: Reclaiming Your Peace Through Boundaries
There comes a moment, quiet but undeniable, when you realize: you’ve given enough of yourself away.
To the people who drain you.
To the obligations that no longer serve you.
To the version of you that sacrificed peace for approval.
And in that moment, you’re faced with a powerful, sacred decision: To choose yourself.
Boundaries are not walls. They are bridges to self-respect.
In my work with clients, I often hear: “I don’t want to be mean,” “I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” “I don’t know where to start” as reasons that people struggle to set and maintain boundaries. In Nedra Tawwab’s book Set Boundaries, Find Peace she describes guilt as one of the number one reasons that people often struggle to set boundaries.
So, how do we learn to move through the feelings of guilt? What if we learned to view boundaries as a form of love, for yourself first, and then for others? What is we understood that boundaries are not selfish. They are sacred, deeply necessary self-honoring.
Self-love, self-honoring, and choosing you is revolutionary. Especially for Black women and women of color who are often taught to be everything for everyone. Caretakers, peacekeepers, fixers, nurturers, providers, and the list goes on. But at what cost? How long can one afford to sacrifice themselves or to carry the burdens and responsibilities of the world on their shoulders to their own detriment?
For many, this realization may come too late. But, it doesn’t have to. While navigating significant physical health challenges and carrying the deeply painful experience of watching a loved ones mental health spiral, despite years of attempts to support, provide care, and self-sacrifice to desperately help them, I realized that I had given enough of myself away. I had to sit with the realization, and reminder, that we cannot (literally and figuratively) carry the emotional experiences and life journey of another human being. Especially, when our support is no longer valued and risks leaving us emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually depleted.
We are sometimes taught to give selflessly, often without bounds. But, who is pouring back into you? When is enough, enough?
Choosing yourself means:
Saying no without guilt (or, moving through the feelings of guilt and still saying “no”).
Walking away from people who only love the version of you they can control.
Creating space for rest, joy, and healing without apology.
Honoring your intuition when it whispers, “This doesn’t feel right.”
It is a quiet rebellion against everything that told you your needs were too much.
And, I am here to remind you, your needs are valid. Your peace is sacred. Your healing is yours to claim.
So, what does it look like to start choosing you?
If you’re new to setting boundaries or reclaiming your space, here are a few gentle starting points:
Check in with your body. Does this feel like a yes or a resentful maybe?
Name what you need. “I need time.” “I need rest.” “I need space.”
Practice small no’s. “No, I can’t make it day.” “No, I’m not available.” Period.
Give yourself grace. Boundaries take practice, and unlearning people-pleasing is a journey.
This is sacred work that is ongoing. Every time you choose yourself, you remind the world: I am not here to be consumed. I am here to be whole.
